How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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