The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
