an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
