youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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