Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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