TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The Olympian is in my bed
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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