Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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