My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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