Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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