Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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