New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
that may or may not have been my penis.
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