My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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