I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
