just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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