...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We had sex on a dog bed..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
