That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
