Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
