My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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