i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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