So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
