Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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