He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
