is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
