You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
