Are we in a gay sports bar?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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