The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
