Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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