I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
