at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
