He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
