worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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