i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
