she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
