I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
