if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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