I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
