I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
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A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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