she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
