so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
