apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
