we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
