we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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