i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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