Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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