btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
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I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it