Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.