it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The beer is more important than you right now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.