Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
