Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
