quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Still dying that you shit outside
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
