their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize