I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
