dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
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you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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