Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so let's talk penis.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
