The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
