last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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