we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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