with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
