But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So squirting runs in the family.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
