It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
