I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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