your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
