Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
