Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
