I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
