YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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