I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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