I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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