i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
