btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
