were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
